If you like the chainsaw so much, why don't you marry it?

Who gets this excited about cutting down trees on Earth Day? I mean he is literally ecstatic when he thinks this guy is going to cut down big trees. He calls it "eroticism" and asks for some Barry White. I know Glenn Beck hates the idea of gay marriage, but what about chainsaw marriage? I think we should push for Glenn to have the right to marry a chainsaw so he can really break out the Barry White and get "erotic".